All I've Ever Wanted
by inspire-the-writer-x3
Summary: With an era of fame, fans and the musical journey coming to an end, the boys need to move on – whether it's across the country, or across the world. Although many promises are made to keep in touch, some promises just can't be kept; even when one is completely and utterly in love with the other. / Kogan.


**Hey all,**

**Personally, I love this story because I loved writing it. It makes me feel so sad that Big Time Rush is ending, but knowing that wherever they go, we, Rushers, will always stick by them. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! Please leave me a review if you think it's worth continuing! :)**

**inspire-the-writer-x3**

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**CHAPTER 1: The End**

It's always a bittersweet feeling when a dream of yours – a dream that's been bubbling in your mind, composing itself of all the fine details in glorious high-definition ever since you were six, comes to an end. It's difficult to grasp that the project you've been putting your all in for over five years has run its course and that it's time to find something new; someone _new_ and pursue new aspirations.

It's even worse to know that this is where your friends – the very best of friends that have been through the whole ordeal of boy band-dom with you will leave too. Sure, you'll always remain close, and you swear on each others' lives that you'll keep in touch and meet up at least once a month over some coffee and a hockey game, but you know that you'll be across states, and not just next door anymore.

Despite being the pretty boy in the band, James was the first to realise this. His mouth gaped open, as Gustavo Rocque gave his final words to the boys at their press conference. With glassy eyes, he watched the man that hated him for resembling Matthew McConaughey deliver an eloquent and heart-felt speech about how he saw the opportunity to make four crazy, chaotic but nevertheless caring, funny and motivated 'dogs' into a boy band that 'rules the world'.

God, he really did love the phrase. James chuckled to himself, remembering how much trouble Gustavo's words had gotten them into when they were touring in England. Although it wasn't even that long ago, James sighed, knowing that he would never get the opportunity to do it again with the guys.

"Working with Big Time Rush has had its ups and downs," Gustavo says, choking up a little when he says this. All four members can see that he doesn't want to cry; in fact, all of them promised to themselves that they wouldn't tear up. But as James watches them all, he can see that the edges of Logan's sleeves are damp, that Kendall is rubbing his eyes as if he were tired, and that Carlos was sniffling uncontrollably beside him. Automatically, the tallest of the band casually swung an arm around the helmet-clad boy. Carlos looked up at him with large, vulnerable eyes and all James could do was manage a shaky smile.

"I remember the time when I told them to change," he laughed, as did the rest of the reporters in the room, "I told Kendall to stop speaking back to me but he didn't listen to me,"

"Hey! I _did_ try to do that!" Kendall spoke up from his seat; his voice hoarse and raspy. Logan had attempted to stop him from getting up, but his grip on Kendall's arm was not only delayed, but weak too.

"See?" Gustavo smiled affectionately at the blonde. "I also tried to get Logan, the resident nerd of the group to get more 'swag', which would help the band's image, but that had some, shall I say, _odd _consequences,"

Logan simply winked at James, as the four of them reminisced how Logan's simple mobile phone application had turned James into a blubbering, clammy mess.

"I tried to get Carlos to gain a better understanding of direction, yet it only left him stuck in the bathroom with a morbid fear of death!" Gustavo exclaimed, before adding, "Pun intended,"

Carlos shuffled into his seat more, a pink hue tinting his cheeks as if he was embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Carlos," James reassured, "If it were me, I would've done the same thing,"

This got the little Latino boy to grin, and James realised that he would truly miss constantly being in the company of his best friends.

"And James; I wanted him to focus less on himself and his looks, and more on the band," Gustavo started off, "Let's just save ourselves the time and say it ended pretty strangely too,"

The four of them then shared a look of mutual emotions. No words needed to be spoken to acknowledge that life with Big Time Rush was insane and packed with life-threatening antics every day, but it was a life much loved, and will be missed dearly.

"But then I realised, after a very spiritual journey, that none of them had to change. I like how Kendall always speaks his mind. It makes my job harder and my blood pressure reach dangerous levels, but it also pushes me to do my best as a manager and a song-writer,"

Kendall grinned here, and he wanted to get up and thank Gustavo. But Logan, sensing another rise from the boy – correction: _man_, beside him, placed a gentle hand on his and entwined their fingers. Kendall's heart fluttered, although he would never admit it to anyone, and he smiled brilliantly at the brunette.

"I like how Logan is the brains of the group, because he keeps these hockey-heads in line for me. He is the voice of reason at times and situations when there _is_ no reason,"

All three boys chuckled quietly as they glanced at Logan, who was a shade of beetroot red. Kendall seemed to understand that Logan didn't like to be the centre of attention. Despite Logan gaining an immense amount of confidence in the years spent in Hollywood, surrounded by billboards and posters of themselves, Logan still retained a quiet composure.

It was one of the many things Kendall loved about his best friend.

"There's no need to feel ashamed," Kendall whispered. Shocked chocolate brown eyes clashed with a lush green, as Logan fumbled with words to respond to the blonde.

"Kendall, I don't like –"

"The attention?" Kendall completed for him. Logan's face fell slightly, although Kendall's grin told him that he didn't notice a thing; especially how much this was killing him. "You deserve it, Logan. You've saved our asses countless times in the past five years,"

"But –"

"You're amazing, Logie," Kendall said, feeling like his voice is gone. "Don't ever forget that,"

Logan doesn't say anything but nod, swallowing the pit of emotion forming in his throat.

"I like how Carlos always has so much energy and vivacity to him, and makes people happy with his own happiness,"

Logan turned to face Carlos, and squeezed his clenched fists, as Carlos rested his head on James' shoulder.

"You make all of us happy, Carlos," Logan reiterated, "So don't be sad now,"

"But it's goodbye to a life we've worked so hard for," Carlos sighed.

"For every door that closes, a thousand more open," Kendall chimed in.

"I feel an infamous pep talk coming on," James laughed, and the four of them share a peaceful moment to giggle to themselves. It was easy to tell that all four of them were having difficulties letting go.

One especially.

"It's not goodbye, Carlos," Kendall continued. He sneaked a glimpse at Logan so quickly and subtly that only James was able to catch it. But even then, it left him questioning whether it was real or if the intensity of today had been taking a toll on his brain. "It's see you again; and soon too,"

"And no matter how much James reminds me of Matthew McConaughey," Gustavo admitted, "James is passionate, driven and reminds these boys why they're in Hollywood in the first place – and that is, to help their friend with a big dream out,"

"My final words to my dogs are thank you for this incredible journey you've put me on," Gustavo graciously gushed, "Before you four came into my life, I never got to know my projects. They were just people I worked with, and nothing more than that. But you've showed me we can all be co-workers and close friends too, and you've taught me things about life and love that are otherwise priceless. Thank you for all the memories, music and mayhem we've made over the past six years, and I hope you cherish the times we've had together just as much as Kelly and I will, no matter what your next goal in life is and where you go to achieve it,"

The audience erupted into cheers, despite the sad expressions plastered on all their faces. Even the cameramen who were filming the whole ordeal had placed their equipment down to clap sympathetically at the intimidating band manager and producer; who was now reduced to tears.

"This isn't part of my speech, but I'd just like to say something to Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan," he announced, turning around to face them. All four boys' eyes were rimmed red; Carlos and Logan hiccupping with grief, while the two other boys sitting on either side of the rubbed their shoulders comfortingly. "Kelly and I really feel like we've been second parents to you. And I hope you know that if you ever need anything, or when you're in Hollywood again, our door is always open for you,"

The four boys were speechless – even Kendall, who usually always had a mouthful to say – at the generosity and sincerity in Gustavo's words. It was no secret that the usually-demonised Gustavo Rocque was no walk in the park in the work with, but over the years he had grown rather fond of Big Time Rush and realised that they weren't hungry for fame and fortune like his other band were. They were genuine and giving; and Gustavo really liked it.

"Gustavo!" a reporter shouted. Her voice shattered the five of them out of their thoughts. "With this project – one you've been working on for over half a decade – finishing, what are your plans for the future?"

"I'm glad you asked that, news-reporter-lady-thing. Although I wish all of my dogs the best on their endeavours," Gustavo started. The band was used to scowling at the name Gustavo had branded them, but this was one of the only times they liked hearing them being referred to animals. "I hope one of these dogs will continue their musical journey with me,"

Kendall, Logan and Carlos whipped their heads to an eager-looking James. His heart beat erratically against the thin material of his shirt.

"James, I know this has been your dream since the very beginning, and I think you're extremely talented. Would you like to record a solo album with me?"

* * *

Logan couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun at a party. Of course it was their 'Farewell Big Time Rush' party, co-organised by a team of party-planning specialists and the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood – also known as the dynamo duo of James and Carlos, and it was meant to be an alcoholic attempt to diminish the pain of this chapter of their lives closing, but he was okay. He was _so_ okay, in fact, that he actually found himself swaying to the band's final tracks playing through the speakers, drink in hand.

James was absolutely thrilled that Gustavo had offered to make his career for him. Logan had never seen James so happy in his life, as he watched him talk to Griffin's team that was going to aid him in reaching even greater heights and achievements than Big Time Rush had – although that would be particularly difficult considering the band was pretty damn successful. Logan was truly excited for his friend, since his best friend had wanted this for the longest time; perhaps his first words were even: 'I want to be famous!'

Logan stifled a laugh, as his eyes drifted to Carlos, who was happily comforting the crying Jennifers and stuffing corndogs on his face. They had been pretty devastated to learn that Carlos was leaving LA and returning back to Minnesota and attending some academy to follow his father's footsteps and become a policeman. Stephanie, the girl who convinced hundreds of people, the band included, that the Palm Woods was haunted, had recently taken the time to fly over from Canada, where she was currently helping with special effects for some horror film, to even visit the guys upon hearing the news. She seemed gutted that Carlos was leaving too and Logan could see that her cheeks were wet – and not from Carlos' kisses.

However, Carlos wasn't the only one going back to Minnesota. As soon as the announcement that Big Time Rush was made, the Minnesota Wilds – Kendall's favourite hockey team in the world, made him an offer to train with them, and if he was good enough, they'd contemplate including him in the upcoming season. He was almost as ecstatic as James, thrilled that he was blessed with the opportunity to pursue his ultimate dream before coming to Los Angeles. Logan managed a weak smile, taking a large swig of his beer, knowing that he had yet to tell his friends _his_ news.

"Enjoying the party?"

Logan spun around and found a familiar pair of mischievous dark eyes staring at him.

"For once, I kind of am," Logan admitted bashfully. "It's bittersweet though. I know this is just a way to cope with leaving the band and the Palm Woods and all the brilliant people I've met along this crazy experience; at least for James, Carlos and Kendall, anyway,"

Camille stayed quiet, knowing that it was difficult enough that Big Time Rush break-up, although they all hated hearing it like that; let alone having the four friends take their separate ways. She laid a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, and he leaned into her warmth.

"I know you're extremely bummed out right now, Logan," Camille exhaled. She took a second to regain her composure and stop her voice from quivering, before continuing, "But I have to know. What does this mean for us?"

Momentarily, Logan hesitated, savouring the cool yet bitter liquid coat his throat. Camille, knowing what this already meant, began to withdraw from his grip.

"Camille," he stated. "You know I...what I mean is I really like...we can be...I just..."

"Don't believe in long distance relationships?" Camille completed for him; no disappointed tone or any sense of anger in her angelic voice.

"Yeah..." Logan whispered, suddenly finding his sneaker-clad feet extremely interesting. "Are you going to slap me because you hate my guts now?"

Camille laughed, caressing the smooth skin of his cheek with her thumb.

"I hope you know that I only slap you out of humour or for my auditions, and not seriously," Camille grinned, "Besides, I can't hate you. You're too adorable,"

Logan wanted to chuckle then but she pressed her mouth gently against his. It only lasted a second or so but Logan knew how deep the kiss meant to him; meant to both of them. She ran her fingers over Logan's parted lips and he can still taste her, but there is an odd sense of peace between the both of them.

"It's kind of funny that we have a clean break-up, but everything else before that was pretty unstable," Logan pointed out.

A laugh erupted from Camille's throat.

"I love you too, Logan,"

"Hey you guys!" a deep voice interrupted. Logan and Camille pulled away to meet with James' jubilant grin. "Stop making out and let's hit the dance floor!"

James' calloused hand grabbed both of the two young adults, as a state-of-the-art laser light show began to spread itself throughout the dimly-lit room. A few other people began to congregate the area, moving away from the sides of the rooms and leaving their drinks behind to sway to the beat of another Big Time Rush party anthem.

Carlos grinned as he saw Logan, Camille and James on the dance floor, excusing himself from the heartbroken Jennifers. He walked up to the three of them and they moved apart from each other to welcome Carlos. James and Carlos showed a knowing glance before shifting aside so that Logan could hold Camille, even though the two were oblivious to what had happened between them just a mere minute before.

"I think they think we're still together," Camille whispered loud enough so that Logan could only hear what she had said.

"We can break it to them later," Logan laughed, gripping onto her waist. The beat in the song dropped and James and Carlos began to belt out the lyrics, which they obviously knew off by heart, to the chorus.

"Speaking of them," Camille started, watching the boys sing happily together for perhaps the last time, "Where's Kendall?"

"Probably off with Jo or something," Logan shrugged, as Carlos pulled on his arm as he, along with everyone else in the crowd, threw the other one into the air in sync with the rhythm. "Or off impressing some Minnesota Wild reps. He and James are still going to be in the eyes of the press after this journey officially finishes,"

Camille could tell Logan was trying to seem like he didn't care that his friends were abandoning each other for the sake of their individual aspirations, but she knew him better than that. She grabbed onto the sleeve of his leather jacket and directed him out of the crowded hotel function room and out into the hallway.

"So I'm guessing you haven't told them the news yet?" Camille deadpanned. Gone was the naturally sweet and understanding tone in her voice, and what replaced it was something very close to disappointment. "They're your best friends, Logan! They deserve to know!"

Logan blinked, momentarily spacing out to adjust to the fluorescent-yellow bulbs that sat on the golden-lace wallpaper, which contrasted greatly to the dark ambience of the party inside. The alcohol, despite the tiny amount he had consumed, was starting to blur his thoughts, though the confusion on how Camille had deduced he hadn't been completely honest with the others about what he was doing since the conclusion of their band.

"Don't play dumb with me, Mitchell," she said, gritting her teeth. "You know they're going to find out sooner or later, so why not now? Why not before you board that plane tomorrow?!"

His eyebrows furrowed as his fingers rubbed his temples, knowing how screwed up things were right now. He should've had the courage to tell them about this amazing opportunity he was offered, but every time Logan wanted to tell them, images of their sadness and damned puppy-dog eyes obstructed him from completing the deed; words failing to roll of his tongue. Logan sighed dejectedly, as his eyes flickered open just a moment too late when something slammed into the side of his face.

"What the fu –"

"Did you really think you could hide this from us?" seethed a familiar blond, shoving a newspaper article in Logan's face. Dark green eyes bored into his as he wore a scowl that made Logan want to shrivel up in the corner and just die, as the ache in his cheek began to throb.

"Kendall," James said softly. Kendall's head snapped around, shooting his friend a brutal death glare. Carlos could sense Kendall's anger; it radiated off him like waves in the ocean, but he didn't exactly know how mad he was.

"Calm down," Carlos completed for James.

"No, Carlos," Kendall spat, "I will not fucking calm down,"

"Kendall," Camille reiterated this time, touching his arm affectionately to get him to calm down. "Give Logan a chance to explain him –"

Logan's chest felt tight and he could see the pain etched across his three best friends' faces – the people who meant the most to him; even more so than his own family. This was why he didn't want to say anything; no, he _couldn't_ tell them the truth. He knew that this was much different to living across the country. He knew this would be too much for their friendship to happen. He knew it all.

"Logan..."

Logan ventured out to open his eyes; first gaining eye contact with Camille's soft brown eyes. She managed a shaky smile as he held onto her hand for dear life. It almost seemed like this contact from one of her gave him the courage to glance at James and Carlos, who were standing together, looking paler than usual.

"Although I wish you had told us about this earlier," James spoke up first, patting Logan on the back, "I'm glad you're going. Being a doctor has always been a dream of yours and it's awesome to see you chasing it,"

"Yeah, what James said," Carlos laughed. "We're really proud of you Logan,"

"Thanks you two," Logan grinned sincerely as he pulled those two in for a final hug. They stepped away from each other and Logan inhaled deeply, turning to face the last person in their little gang; and if Logan were honest with himself, he was also the person he was most worried about breaking the news to.

Kendall's face wasn't facing his, but he could see the glistening of moisture escaping through angry slits, and it was enough for his heart to feel like he had been stabbed repeatedly.

"I'm sorry," Logan muttered. Instinctively, he reached out to grab Kendall's shoulder and turn him around to face him, but Kendall flinched at the last second, leaving Logan's hand dangling mid-air, yearning for warmth that was undeniably characteristic of the blond.

Logan opened his mouth to speak again but Kendall shook his head and interrupted him.

"Have a nice trip," he said dryly, dropping the newspaper on the floor. "I'm going back in there to make the most of tonight because it's a momentous occasion and I'm not going to let _this_ ruin it,"

"Kendall..." Logan croaked, but by then, he was watching Kendall's back disappear into a sea of people.

The other three came to comfort Logan, wrapping long arms around his shaking form, but he wasn't in the mood to be pitied. This was his fault. Sure, Kendall could've been more like James and Carlos – more supportive and encouraging, rather than pissed that he had kept this a secret, but he would've been upset if Kendall didn't tell him he was playing for the Minnesota Wilds, or if Carlos didn't explain his love of being a superhero; kind of like a cop, or if James didn't decide to stay in Hollywood and continue to record some solo singles with Gustavo. And he would've been even more devastated if one of them were moving to another continent.

So he kind of understood Kendall's behaviour.

Logan politely pushed his friends away from him, thanking them that they had accepted the fact that life was going to be very different for them, yet also apologising that he had mislead them to think that he was returning to Minnesota to continue his medical studies. They seemed to understand because they didn't do anything except hug him and make him swear on his life that he would keep in touch with them. Logan smiled, knowing it would be a promise he would most definitely keep, though his face still kind of hurt as he did.

When Logan finally retired for then night and returned to his hotel, Carlos, James and Camille chatted amongst themselves, saying nothing really substantial before they made final appearances at the party. They didn't seem to see Kendall who had more than a few drinks and from his memory, made out with Jo for a while until he decided it was time for bed. Stumbling out of the function room, he made his way down the hallway; his feet kicking something as he did. Kendall bent over, trying not to completely topple over, and gripped onto the object so greatly that black smudges were surely going to be plastered over his fingertips when he expected them the following morning.

_Singer in boy band turns into University of Cambridge Med Student!_

As he reread the words, his eyes began to burn. He ignored it though, watching droplets of water fall onto the page, blurring the black ink into indecipherable symbols.

And as stupid as it sounded, Kendall didn't know where he was going to on from here, without his best friends by his side – especially the one leaving the country the next day.

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**So...what do you think? I wanted it to be an oneshot but I had an awesome idea to go with this. The next chapter will have them two years after when this chapter takes place. Things will be pretty different – let me assure you!**

**Anyway, leave me a review if you like this story so I can update ASAP!**

**inspire-the-writer-x3**


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